


You Are Cordially Invited – the Aftermath

by Jupiter_Ash



Series: The Tales of Eden Cottage [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humour, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, POV Outsider, Social Media, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-02 07:16:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20272057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jupiter_Ash/pseuds/Jupiter_Ash
Summary: “People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can’t fool the neighbours.” – Edgar Watson HoweSo the barbecue happened, the new neighbours have been introduced, now comes the aftermath.A tale in three parts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always, big thank you to Geekoncaffeine for the beta.

**Emily Bennett**  
Hey everyone, I just thought I'd take the moment to thank everyone for coming on Saturday. I thought it all went rather well. Thanks to Mike and Helen for the second bbq. Definitely came in handy! Also, if you brought food, can you check you've taken home all your dishes. I appear to have a few here that aren't mine.

**Claire Gooding**  
So what did everyone think about our new neighbours?"

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: Did anyone else find them to be completely what you were expecting but at the same time definitely not what you were expecting?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: And does anyone have any idea how sunglasses dude even walks like that?

**Hayley Albright**  
**Claire Gooding**: I thought they were quite lovely.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Hayley Albright**: I thought they were definitely quite something.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Especially that walk. ;)

**Amanda Hargreaves**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Joshua was certainly rather taken with them. Especially Mr. Fell.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Amanda Hargreaves**: Yes, I saw them talking a couple of times. I thought Joshua didn't like strangers.

**Amanda Hargreaves**  
**Hayley Albright**: He doesn't usually.

**Claire Gooding**  
Did anyone else hear that Crowley used to be a nanny?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: What? Really?

**Claire Gooding**:  
**Anna Maddocks**: Yup. A live-in nanny as well. Big house. Rich. Lots of staff. 

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: A nanny? 

**Claire Gooding**:  
**Anna Maddocks**: For someone important from what it sounded like. A politician or ambassador or something.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: Him though? A nanny?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Careful. That sounds a little, you know, phobic?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: Oh no! Nononoonononoonono. Nothing like that. It's just he didn't exactly strike me as the sort of person you would leave a kid with. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: ?????

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: God no! Nothing like that!

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: And not the gay thing either!

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: It’s just, when you talk to him, he's got the most delightfully wicked sense of humour. I actually overheard him telling some of the older kids that he had a hand in inventing Instagram, Candy Crush and the selfie stick.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Do we know for certain that he didn't?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Hayley Albright**: I thought he was hilarious, but he struck me as a bit of a trickster type. 

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Hayley Albright**: Leave my two with him and I’d expect to come back to flour across the floor, or glitter everywhere, or paint across the walls.

**Anna Maddocks**:  
**Hayley Albright**: Are we sure the nanny thing wasn’t some sort of a joke?

**Hayley Albright**:  
**Anna Maddocks**: I suppose he might have been joking. Did he mention anything to anyone else about what he does?

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Hayley Albright**: I got the impression he was in finance or something. **Michael Porter** what did he tell you?

**Michael Porter**  
**Pete Kowalski**: Stocks and stuff he told me.

**Rebecca Oliver**  
**Michael Porter**: He told Roger he made his money in imports and exports.

**Sandra Day**  
**Rebecca Oliver**: He told me he did ‘oh just this and that’. I got the impression there was a certain amount of old family money there though.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Speaking of family, did anyone else get the idea they were uncomfortable talking about their past and families?

**Hayley Albright**  
**Claire Gooding**: I certainly got the impression they were estranged from their families.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Hayley Albright**: Not happy about some of their “lifestyle choices” is what I gathered.

**Sandra Day**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Could be the whole "relationship" thing. I got the sense their families might be particularly religious. Especially Mr. Fell’s.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Sandra Day**: I was certainly getting a bit of a Romeo and Juliet vibe going on.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Hayley Albright**: Two households, both alike in dignity, on the streets of London were we lay out scene.... And all that.

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: Perhaps not that far. :)

**J.P. Wright**  
I for one thought they were straight up smashing chaps. Cannot say I approve of sunglasses and what passes for modern fashion these days, but as young men go they seemed to know their stuff, and if their families have turned them out for being homosexual, then shame on them.

**Hayley Albright**  
**J.P. Wright**: I don't think Mr Crowley is as young as you might think he is.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Hayley Albright**: Not as much of the toy boy as we might have thought.

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: My Gemma referred to him as being a bit of a grown up "twink", whatever that is.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Sandra Day**: Should I even ask?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Hayley Albright**: Probably best not.

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: My Gemma also found him hilarious. In a good way. She said if he wasn't so obviously taken she would have tried setting him up with a couple of her uni mates.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: They seem quite the odd couple though, right?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: I mean, they're obviously crazy about each other, I mean, really, really crazy, but they're like polar opposites. One is all politeness and sweet smiles, the other sharp and obviously a bit of a rebel.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Opposites do attract.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Ah, welcome back!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: :) :) :)

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: We were just summing up what we found out about our new neighbours.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Claire Gooding**: Gossiping. We were gossiping.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Hayley Albright**: Yeah, that too.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Currently we’re trying to figure out what a certain sunglasses wearing, Bentley driving, not-quite-a-toy-boy does for a living. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Dave thought it might be something to do with computers. Or business management.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Computers. Business. Finance. Stocks. Imports/exports. This and that. Inventing stuff like selfie sticks. And being a nanny. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Anyone getting the impression he was messing with us?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: Now you mention it.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Well at least his partner was considerably straighter on the subject.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Pun totally intended, btw!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: (disapproving face)

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: And this is me groaning!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Use to own a bookshop. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: At least, that’s what he told me.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: And me.

**Sandra Day**  
**Hayley Albright**: And me.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Well that’s pretty conclusive.

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: My Gemma’s asking if any of us have actually googled his bookshop.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Sandra Day**: Is that something we should have done?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: Do we know what it was called?

**Sandra Day**  
**Anna Maddocks**: My Gemma said she googled him and found the shop.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Did Gemma say what the shop was called?

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: Wait, I’ll ask her.

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: A Z Fell and Co apparently.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: Well that certainly sounds like the right place.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Sandra Day**: Anything interesting?

**Sandra Day**  
**Hayley Albright**: Gemma seemed to think so. Something about Yelp reviews.

**Sandra Day**  
**Hayley Albright**: I’ll ask again.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Hold on, I’m googling it.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: OMG!

**Hayley Albright**  
**Claire Gooding**: What?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Have you found something?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: OMG!!!????!?!?!?!?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: ???????

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: OMG! These are HILARIOUS!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Google it!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Google it now!

**Michael Porter**  
**Claire Gooding**: Helen wants to know what exactly we’re supposed to be googling.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Michael Porter**: Tell Helen to google “A Z Fell and Co Yelp Reviews”

**Amanda Hargreaves**  
**Claire Gooding**: Should we really be prying like this?

**J.P. Wright**  
**Amanda Hargreaves**: I quite agree! This is very poor form. These are our new neighbours and we should not be searching for them on the interwebs.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: OMG! I’ve found it.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: OMG, this is just so brilliant.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: “Five stars for the books. One star if you actually want to buy any of them! Watch out for the snake.”

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: “Fell knows everything about every book; just don’t ask to buy any of his. Swear I’ve never been ushered out of a shop as quickly as when I asked about the price of one of the first editions Wildes.”

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: “What the hell are the opening hours? ‘I open the shop on most weekdays about 9:30 AM. Perhaps 10AM. While occasionally I open the shop as early as 8, I have been known not to open until 1. Expect on Tuesday, I tend to close about 3:30 PM, or earlier if something needs tending to…’ This is insane! How the hell does Fell expect to actually sell anything if no one knows if he’s even open or not? The only reason I care is because I hear he’s got a limited edition I’ve been after for a while now, but every time I go he’s closed or closing. Closing at 11:15 in the morning? What the hell? I barely even had the chance to ask about the book before I was being shoved out the door.”

**Hayley Albright**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Are we sure this is the right place?

**Hayley Albright**  
**Hayley Albright**: Our Mr Fell didn’t strike me as rude. 

**Sandra Day**  
**Hayley Albright**: I thought him rather a dear.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Hayley Albright**: Oh this is definitely them. Listen to this:

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: “Anyone know if the old Bentley parked out front is for sale?”

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: “Update: It’s really, really, really not!”

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Also:

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: “Caught the owner snogging some hot twink behind the cookbooks. Well done, my dude.”

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Oh yes, this is definitely them!

**Hayley Albright**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Goodness!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: You get to the one about “Fell’s sunglasses wearing boyfriend” throwing out the “Grumpy Dude” who referred to Fell as a fairy?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: “None of us have wings. Out!” 

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Oh god, these are absolutely brilliant!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Doesn’t sound like he was selling many books though.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Anna Maddocks**: What sort of a bookshop owner doesn’t sell books?

**Sandra Day**  
**Anna Maddocks**: And he comes across as such a lovely man.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Absolutely wonderful… until you try to buy one of his books! :)

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: And he was so complimentary about my apple tart too!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Not as complimentary as he was about **Hayley Albright**’s cheesecake though. ;)

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: Oh man did he like your cheesecake Hayley.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: I thought he was going to melt there and then.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: As good as or even better than anything he’s had at the Ritz or the Savoy, he said.

**Sandra Day**  
**Anna Maddocks**: High praise indeed, and most deservedly so.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Hayley Albright**: Have you recovered yet, Hayley?

**Hayley Albright**  
**Claire Gooding**: Getting there.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Hayley Albright**: To be honest, I wasn’t too sure what to think.

**Michael Porter**  
**Hayley Albright**: Helen says it’s most deserved and he’s clearly a man used to fine dining, so take it as a compliment.

**Michael Porter**  
**Michael Porter**: Also Helen says she googled the bottle of wine he brought and you do not want to know how much it cost.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Michael Porter**: What? Really?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: You can’t just say such a thing and then stop there. We need more!

**Michael Porter**  
**Claire Gooding**: Ok, ok, let me just check with Helen.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Michael Porter**: It was really nice wine. Was thinking of seeing if I could get a bottle, for Christmas or something.

**Michael Porter**  
**Anna Maddocks**: You might want to start saving now then.

**Michael Porter**  
**Michael Porter**: Apparently it’s a limited edition and bottles now go for up to six hundred pounds.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Michael Porter**: ?!?!?!?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Michael Porter**: And that’s now right off my Christmas list again.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Michael Porter**: SIX HUNDRED POUNDS?!?!?!?!?!!!///

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Michael Porter**: It was a lovely glass.

**Michael Porter**  
**Anna Maddocks**: I wouldn’t know. I stuck to the rum the Crowley chap brought.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Michael Porter**: Now we know why they got specially fitted wine racks.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Michael Porter**: Do you think they might have any other bottles just, you know, knocking around?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Michael Porter**: We could try and barter for one in exchange for another of **Hayley Albright**’s cheesecakes.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: He really did like your cheesecake, **Hayley Albright**.

**Pete Kowalski**  
Did we ever figure out what the Crowley chap does?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: No, we sort of gave up on that.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Pete Kowalski**: He told everyone different things.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: His partner used to run a bookshop though.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: Yeah, but one that didn’t sell any books though.

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Claire Gooding**: Ok. 

**Pete Kowalski**  
Ok. Can I just point something out here then?

**Claire Gooding**:  
**Pete Kowalski**: Sure Pete.

**Pete Kowalski**  
Actually, let me do a summary first.

**Pete Kowalski**  
So what we know is that the Fell chap used to run a bookshop in central London where it appears that he never sold any books. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: Yup.

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Pete Kowalski**: He and his Bentley driving, sunglasses wearing partner knew each other for years but kept quiet about it because their "families" wouldn't approve. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: Yup.

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Pete Kowalski**: These are the same families they are now "estranged" from. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: Yup.

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Pete Kowalski**: We have no idea what his partner used to do because he told us lots of different things, but we know they have money and probably connections. The Ritz. The Savoy. £600 for a limited bottle of wine, for instance.

**Pete Kowalski**  
Oh and by the way, that Bentley, it’s an original, not a reproduction.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: What? Really?

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Claire Gooding**: Yes, I checked. After the Crowley chap claimed it was, I text my mate Steve about it. He’s a car buff. And he’s come back confirming it. Original and everything!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: Golly!

**Pete Kowalski**  
So anyway, they obviously have money. And taste. And a past they're not really talking about.

**Pete Kowalski**  
Just to throw it out here, and it might be completely wild, but-

**Pete Kowalski**  
Is it possible… they were in the mafia?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Pete Kowalski**: WHAT???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: OMG!

**Hayley Albright**  
**Pete Kowalski**: ????????

**J.P. Wright**  
**Pete Kowalski**: Really! Peter!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: OmG oMG OMG!!!!!!

**Amanda Hargreaves**  
**Pete Kowalski**: Oh no!

**Sandra Day**  
**Pete Kowalski**: My Gemma says you might be right.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: OMG YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT??!?!?!?!/1

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Pete Kowalski**: ?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Pete Kowalski**: I’m just throwing it out there.

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Pete Kowalski**: I’m not saying I’m right.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Pete Kowalski**: It does make a scary amount of sense though!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Claire! Don’t be ridiculous.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: What? But it does!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: A bookshop that doesn’t sell books would be the perfect front.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: A guy with a dodgy working history!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: A classic car!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: Families they are estranged from!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: Families!!!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: Mafia families!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Neither of them are in the mafia!

**Amanda Hargreaves**  
**Emily Bennett**: And Joshua was so taken with them.

**Sandra Day**  
**Emily Bennett**: Such lovely people.

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Emily Bennett**: Like I said, just throwing it out there.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: OMG! They were on rival sides!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: That’s why their families disapproved of their relationship.

**Emily Bennett**  
For god’s sake people! They were not in the mafia!

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: They might have been though.

**Michael Porter**  
**Emily Bennett**: Pete might have a point.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Imaging what they might have been running out of the bookshop.

**Pete Kowalski**  
**Emily Bennett**: It was just a thought. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Drugs.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: Guns.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Enough!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: Drugs and guns!

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: Counterfeit goods?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: This is not helping!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: It might have been one of their bases of operations!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: What if they find out that we know!!!!!!!

**Sandra Day**  
**Pete Kowalski**: What would Mrs Hazleton say?

**Emily Bennett** has turned off comments for this post.


	2. Chapter 2

**Emily Bennett** has opened a new conversation.

Dear Everyone, just to follow on from the previous conversation, I can confirm that neither of our new neighbours are or have been in the mafia or related to any other organised crime. Dave, Sandra and I have just come back from talking to them – and they really are quite lovely, btw. We thought it only fair to warn them that _some people_ might have _jumped_ to completely the **wrong conclusion** about them and that it was our duty as neighbours to let them know what was being said. 

Now, I won’t repeat the conversation we had, but I utterly believe them when they say they’re not in the mafia, if only because Mr Crowley found it the most hilarious thing he had ever heard. I swear that at one point he was going to slide off his chair he was laughing so much. So I really do think we should lay this rumour to rest.

That is all!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Are you telling us that you actually went over there and confronted them about it?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Yes.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: And they found it so funny that sunglasses dude almost fell off his chair laughing?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Yes. Although I don’t believe Azira found it quite as funny.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: You accused them of being in the mafia and they laughed about it?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Essentially, yes.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Emily Bennett**: I told you he had an absolutely wicked sense of humour!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: And them laughing about it is what persuaded you that they weren’t in fact in the mafia?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Pretty much. Other than the fact it was a BONKERS idea in the first place.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Are you MAD?!!!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: What if they actually had been in the mafia?!?!?!? They could have killed you!!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: They could have killed us all!!!!!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Oh for goodness sake, Claire! These are our new neighbours. You remember? The one who wears a bowtie and looks and acts like an old fashioned university professor, and the one who somehow manages to squeeze himself into the skinniest of skinny jeans.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: They’re sweet and nice and all sorts of lovely. They are not going to be killing anyone.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: They have family!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Who we have already established they are ESTRANGED from.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: And who we have also established are also NOT IN THE MAFIA!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Ok! Ok! No need to shout.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: I just think you were either very brave or very stupid going over there to confront them about it.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: And I think this was the most ridiculous rumour that had the potential to cause actual real harm. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: This isn’t some story. These are real people we were speculating about.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: People were going to start treating them weirdly.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Ok, ok, sorry. They’re not and have never been in the mafia. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: But what did they say when you told them?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Well, like I said, they both seemed to find it amusing, Crowley especially so.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: They also apologised for any confusion.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: Apparently both of them are independently wealthy so neither of them actually need to work.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: Azira trades in old books. He goes to auctions and house sales and things. Apparently he’s picked up quite a few very valuable first editions and things that way. Sometimes he does restoration work as well. And he only sells books to people he feel will fully appreciate and understand them.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: He also admitted that he could get quite mean to people who wanted to buy books that he felt they wouldn’t appreciate or look after properly. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: And the shop has been owned by his family for over 200 years, so he’s only paying business tax on it.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: That’s still got to be a pretty penny in Soho.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Hayley Albright**: True, but some of his stuff is worth a fortune. He showed us a 1st edition Picture of Dorian Gray signed by Wilde himself. That’s got to be worth 20 grand at least.

**Sandra Day**  
**Emily Bennett**: Absolutely true! My Gemma googled it.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Apparently his great grandfather actually knew Wilde.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Sandra Day**: And Dickens.

**Sandra Day**  
**Emily Bennett**: And Dickens.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: And who was that other one he mentioned?

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Oh of course, Arthur Conan Doyle!

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: No. Way!!!!!!

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: He had signed editions of “The Hound of the Baskervilles” and “The Lost World”. 

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: OMG! Really?!?!

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: And some copies of that magazine the stories were originally published in.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: …………………

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: Do you think he would let me see?

**Sandra Day**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Probably.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: ………………………………!!!!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Before Anna goes into a complete meltdown, can we get back to the point.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Claire Gooding**: What? HEY!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Anna Maddocks**: :) :) :) 

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: So Azira doesn’t have to sell anything and seems to just have the shop for fun or something.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Hayley Albright**: Pretty much.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: So what about Crowley then?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Hayley Albright**: Yeah, **Emily Bennett**, what about Mr Snake Hips?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Mr Snake Hips? Really?!?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Look you’re the physio. You can’t tell me that walk is normal!

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: Claire has a point. :)

**Emily Bennett**  
**Hayley Albright**: And this is me rolling my eyes.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Alright, alright, we’ll behave, if only so you actually finish telling us what we need to know.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: What does Mr Skinny Jeans do then?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: This is my disapproving face right now.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: And this is me blowing you a kiss. Now get on with it!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Yes, alright fine.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: Apparently he’s done a lot of things. Made a lot of money in computers in the early 2000s apparently. Dabbles a bit in stocks and shares. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: What he definitely isn’t in is the mafia or any other organised crime group.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: And you’re totally sure about that????

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: YES!!!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: **Sandra Day**?

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: Absolutely!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Sure?

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: Positive!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Ok then. 

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: But they didn’t seem upset about us sort of thinking that they might have been, right?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Not upset at all. Like I said, they seemed to find the whole thing rather humorous.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: Didn’t they, **Sandra Day**?

**Sandra Day**  
**Emily Bennett**: Utterly and completely!

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: They were very hospitable and gracious considering that we descended upon them without warning and then sort of accused them of being involved in organised crime.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: They gave us tea!

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: And little cakes.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: It was really nice tea as well. 

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: And they’ve done the cottage up really nicely as well. 

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Still have more unpacking to do, but the bookshelves are a lovely addition and the plants were simply beautiful. 

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: So lush.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Apparently they’re all Crowley’s.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: He really must have some magically green fingers.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: And they have some really lovely artwork as well.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: The Mona Lisa sketch was quite something.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Almost better than the actual painting.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Lots of religious stuff as well. Angels in particular. 

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Like a mug with angel wings.

**Sandra Day**  
**Sandra Day**: Did you notice that **Emily Bennett**?

**Emily Bennett**  
**Sandra Day**: I noticed the mug.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: And that thing that looks like it belongs in a church or something.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: And the Mona Lisa, which was stunning.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: But mostly I was concerned with them not thinking we were a bunch of complete lunatics and that we were giving them a rather strange impression of the village. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: At least they saw the funny side. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: And I reminded them of the Summer Fete in a few weeks. 

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: They seemed quite interested and hopefully we will be able to give them a much better impression of all of us then.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: How’s the prep work going on that, **Hayley Albright**?

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: Ok for the most part. I’ll message you about it.

**Emily Bennett**:  
**Hayley Albright**: (Thumbs up)

**Emily Bennett**  
So about all of this though, are we all alright now? In conclusion, they are not and have never been in the mafia.

**Hayley Albright**  
**Emily Bennett**: Ok!

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Emily Bennett**: Sure. Thanks for clearing it up.

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Emily Bennett**: Kind of funny while it lasted though.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Anna Maddocks**: Ha! Ha!

**Emily Bennett**  
**Emily Bennett**: **Claire Gooding**?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Yes. Yes. Ok. They are not and have never been in the mafia.

**Emily Bennett**  
**Claire Gooding**: Good. Glad that’s settled and I don’t want to hear anything more about it.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Emily Bennett**: Yes, Mum!!!

**Claire Gooding**  
**Claire Gooding**: Would have been funny though. Would have shaken up this little place.

**Sandra Day**  
**Claire Gooding**: If it makes you feel better, Crowley did admit that he had worked as a live-in nanny for about five years. He said he had found it rewarding.

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: What?!?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: What?!?!?!?

**Claire Gooding**  
**Sandra Day**: Really?!?!?!?

**Anna Maddocks**  
**Sandra Day**: Wait, the nanny thing wasn’t a joke then?

**Hayley Albright**  
**Sandra Day**: That was true?

**J.P. Wright**  
**Sandra Day**: Well I never!

**Emily Bennett** has turned off comments for this post.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

“The mafia?” 

Even now, after their recent guests had departed, Aziraphale had a look of utter bewilderment. It was a funny look to be sure on the face of an angel, but not one without reason.

Crowley, however, was grinning in a way he usually reserved for a particularly good prank.

“Oh come on, angel, you have to admit, they have a bit of a point. Obvious wealth. No proper job history. A bookshop that doesn’t sell books? Even the HMRC thinks you’re dodgy.”

“But the _mafia_?” Aziraphale protested. “We’re not even Italian!” He frowned suddenly. “And what do you mean that the HMRC thinks I’m _dodgy_? My taxes are just perfect, thank you very much.”

“Which is very much the point. They’re _too_ perfect. They’re so perfect they think you’re hiding something.”

“Hiding something? What like organised crime?”

“For a start.”

“Is that why I keep being audited?”

Crowley gave him lazy grin.

“Well I-” he said with a harrumph. He then paused and turned to look straight at his partner. “You set them up. Our new neighbours. You set them up.”

“I didn’t!”

“You _did_. You told them things, vague things, on purpose, so they would draw certain conclusions.”

“I did not.”

Aziraphale gave him a look, the sort of look that said I’ve known you for over 6000 years, do not try to pull the wool over my eyes, I’m not a total fool.

“Okay. Okay,” Crowley admitted, waving an arm in vague admission, “maybe I did. A _little_. They were just so earnest, and _nice_, they deserved a little shaking up. Something exciting. I didn’t think they’d go that far.”

“They thought we consorted with criminals. That we, we threaten people. That we _hurt_ people.”

“Well I don’t think they thought _you_ would do that personally.”

“They thought we ran a drugs ring or something out of my shop.”

“How was I supposed to know they would google your bookshop? Bet it was that student, what was her name, Gemma.”

Aziraphale gave a vague nod. “She seemed lovely.”

“They’re all _lovely_. That’s the point. Didn’t stop them from thinking we might be involved in organised crime though, did it?”

Aziraphale harrumphed again.

“Of course,” Crowley said slyly, “in a funny way, if you think about it, they were sort of right.”

“Crowley!”

“Two sides fighting for control. A little whispering in ears here, a bit of money under the table there.”

“Really!”

“And it’s not as if your side are even always against guns. Adds weight to a moral argument, that’s what you said, wasn’t it?”

“In the right hands,” Aziraphale admitted. 

“And you can’t tell me that Gabriel doesn’t look like some sort of a mafia boss,” Crowley continued.

“Well-”

“Perfectly tailored suits. Italian silk. Often tailed around by lackeys such as, what’s their name, the one who got all smitey at Sodom and Gomorrah?”

“Sandalphon,” Aziraphale said glumly. 

“Exactly! Now you can’t tell me they don’t look like someone who would happily strike you down given the command. And as for the Archangel Michael. How many demons did they obliterate just so you could go and have a chat with that chap who later got thrown to the lions? Good job on those lions, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

“And the less said about my side, my old side, the better. What was it Gabriel so clandestinely asked to buy when he came into your shop?”

“Pornography.”

“Pornography! Screams mafia to me. Obvious cover up.”

“Obvious.”

“Everyone knows the pornography was on the top right hand shelf.”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale exclaimed looking aghast. “That wasn’t _pornography_!”

“Wasn’t it? Looked like it to me.”

“That’s because you don’t read.”

“I don’t need to.” He waggled his eyebrows. “There were _pictures_.”

_That_ had been a fully illustrated edition of the Kama Sutra. Amongst other things.

“Oh come on,” Crowley said, leaning back again, “you’ve got to see the funny side. Their expressions at least were hilarious. And did you see the covert looks they kept taking, trying to see if we had any _incriminating_ evidence just lying around.”

“Well, when you put it that way, it was rather funny,” Aziraphale admitted. 

Crowley grinned at him.

“But really, these are our neighbours. Our new neighbours at that. We should be _nice_ to them.”

“Well, you can be if you want,” Crowley said. “I intend to be myself. It’s more fun.”

“Fun, certainly, just, don’t hurt them.”

Crowley frowned, a flicker of hurt crossing his face. “Of course I wouldn’t _hurt_ them. Who do you think I am?”

“You know who I think you are, dearest,” Aziraphale said in a practical tone, “but sometimes things have unintended consequences. I _like_ this house, and these people, and I know you do too. It would be helpful if we weren’t chased out in our first week by a group of people who think we’re involved in organised crime.”

Crowley leant back again. “Still funny though. And you were the one who insisted that we went in the first place.”

“It was the neighbourly thing to do.”

“And it involved food,” Crowley said, wagging his eyebrows.

“Yes, well, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to an actual barbecue. Grilling meat over an open fire has come on a long way since the middle ages.”

“A lot of things have come a long way since the middle ages. Personal hygiene for one.”

“Such marvellous things they now do with sauces.”

“Still tastes like charcoal though.”

“And that cheesecake,” Aziraphale said, closing his eyes in memory. “Exquisite. Even you have to agree.”

“Yeah, fine, I’ll give you that. And you insisting on feeding me that piece certainly got their tongues wagging.”

“Utterly divine.”

“It was raspberry and white chocolate.”

“It was perfection with every bite.”

“You made the maker of it blush. Totally pink she was. Thought she was going to combust and everything.”

“Well she truly deserved the praise.”

“Praise yes, but you were virtually incandescent. Thought you were going to sprout poetry there and then.”

“I wasn’t that bad!”

“You were. It was adorable. Excruciatingly embarrassing, but utterly adorable.”

The little embarrassed smile at that was almost as adorable. At least to Crowley. But then he found most things about his soft little angel to be rather adorable. Although that was not something he would readily admit to. 

“Yes, well, I was being nice,” Aziraphale said being practical.

“You just wanted more cheesecake.”

“Well, I certainly won’t say no if it’s on offer.”

“Play your cards right and I’m sure there will be more.”

They fell into an easy silence. It was the sort of easy silence that comes from familiarity and affection. The sort of easy silence that involves small smiles and soft looks.

“What?” Crowley asked after a moment. “You’re smiling at me.”

“Of course I am,” Aziraphale said gently. “You look happy.”

“Of course I’m happy,” Crowley said, a touch affronted. “Why wouldn’t I be happy? I’m here, with you, in this house. No heaven looking down accusingly. No hell skulking around in dark corners. No looking over our shoulders fearing we’re going to be caught. No orders, no Armageddon, no agreement. We’re free, angel, and I for one am going to enjoy every… sssingle… ssssecond of it.”

“It’s a good look for you,” Aziraphale said softly.

“Shut up,” Crowley said automatically, but it lacked the usual bite and they both knew it.

They lapsed back into silence, Aziraphale in his chair, Crowley sprawled across the new sofa.

“I suppose there is one thing we should talk about though,” Crowley said finally.

Aziraphale looked questioning.

“That boy,” Crowley continued, “the one you were talking to, who, you know.”

“Hmm, yes,” Aziraphale said. “Yes, quite. Rather a bit of a pickle with that one. I suppose the question is, what are we going to do about young Joshua?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the mafia storyline. It sounds like you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. For those who follow me on twitter, this is the story I was writing when I mentioned that I'd set up a bunch of characters, wound them up, and then just... let them go. I honestly had trouble keeping up with them. :)
> 
> Kudos to everyone who called out Crowley's role in the whole thing or the fact that they pretty much were in the mafia. :)
> 
> Next time we're going to meet young Joshua and start his story.

**Author's Note:**

> Some Yelp Reviews shamelessly borrowed from ItsClydeBitches [here](https://itsclydebitches.tumblr.com/post/186055292445/hey-all-remember-when-i-said-id-never-do-another)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Multivoice Podfic] You Are Cordially Invited - The Aftermath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25708309) by [CompassRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CompassRose/pseuds/CompassRose), [Djapchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djapchan/pseuds/Djapchan), [ExMarks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExMarks/pseuds/ExMarks), [Gorillazgal86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gorillazgal86/pseuds/Gorillazgal86), [Izzybutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzybutt/pseuds/Izzybutt), [LenaReads (LenaLawlipop)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenaLawlipop/pseuds/LenaReads), [Literarion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarion/pseuds/Literarion), [mahons_ondine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahons_ondine/pseuds/mahons_ondine), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins), [semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/semperfiona/pseuds/semperfiona_podfic), [silkylustre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkylustre/pseuds/silkylustre), [Tipsy_Kitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tipsy_Kitty/pseuds/Tipsy_Kitty), [UnholyCrowley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnholyCrowley/pseuds/UnholyCrowley)


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